dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
