i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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