mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
