mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
