Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
