some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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