Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
