your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
