in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
