yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
