Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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