Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize