I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
