be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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