Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
