If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
