never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
