wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
