How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
