Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
