If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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