Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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