How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We're too hungover to prance.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
