Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
