were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
