I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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