Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
