I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
