My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I think I sprained my soul last night
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
