i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize