yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
