My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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