I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize