If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
