dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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