Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
