Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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