How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
