So drunk, too bad you don't want this
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
