Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
