shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize