Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
