there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
