I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
