my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
