even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i think i just naturally attract stoners
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize