have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
