I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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