just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize