It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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