I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
