also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
