I got chris browned last night
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
