Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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