Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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