I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
