Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
