508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
What drink are we having for lunch?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
