I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
