why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
