I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
