peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I want a musical about memes.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
