If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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