we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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