He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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