i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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