I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize