remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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