so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
