god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
