How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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