so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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