so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
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