I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
