I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
