oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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