If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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