I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize