I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
