why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
