i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
