you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
