White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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