rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
