stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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