She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
