call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
