whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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