I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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