He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
