She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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