found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
