I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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