i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
