ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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