I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
