New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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