The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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