i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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