I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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