Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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